6 Differences Between Love and Lust According to Relationship Experts

Like most other people my age, I got a part time job in graduate school. There I crossed paths with man much older than I was at the time and the attraction I felt when I saw him actually did take my breath away. All I could do was think about him day in and day out.

I was only twenty at the time and I thought that those emotions were real because they were so intense. After all, I’d always been told that this is what love would be like initially. But ten years have gone by and now I understand that what I felt for that man was just an infatuation. All that passion and intensity were merely products of the lust I felt and not anything like love.

Before the turn of the millennium, a group of scientists headed by Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, studied lust and love. They categorized love into lust, attraction and attachment. Each emotion was created by a certain mixture of chemicals in the brain.

Lust which is mostly a need to fulfill your sexual urges is created by the brain releasing testosterone and estrogen, both hormones that heighten the libido.

When the feelings go over and above the physical part of the relationship it is attraction. The brain releases neurotransmitters like dopamine and norepinephrine and this can make you feel elated, pick at your food and lie awake at night.

Beyond lust and attraction lies attachment which is also called ‘companionate love’. A long lasting emotion, at this point hormones that help you bond like oxytocin and vasopressin are released by the brain.

Besides this mixture of chemicals, there are other ways to figure out which category your emotions fall under. This is what authorities in the field have to say:

1.One is physical and the other is emotional

In lust, the primal urge to have sex with that person overtakes everything else. But when you’re in love, not only will you feel physical desire, you will also want to be closer to that person on an emotional level. You’ll want to be a part of every aspect of their lives.

2.One takes more time than the other

There is no immediate satisfaction in love whereas in lust, you straightaway go to the finish line without actually running the race. The latter is all about getting whatever pleasure you can get whereas love involves a lot of time and effort.

3.One is superficial, the other cuts deep

When in lust, you only think about the externalities of that person. You are concentrated on their physical appearance and the pleasure you can derive from them. But love involves a lot of emotions and opening up your true self to another person, exposing every part of who you are to them.

4.One is a short burst of brilliance while the other is a steady flame

With love, you’re in it for the long run and you’re ready to commit yourself to making the relationship last. But with lust, you are just there till you feel sexually satisfied enough to leave.

5.One becomes stronger and the other becomes weaker over time

The bond you share with the person you are in love with only grows stronger as time passes. You wish to be attached to them. But lust is only based on the physical desire you feel and your animalistic need for sexual gratification. It burns out quickly.

6.One is for you; the other is for someone else

Lust doesn’t allow you to truly care about what the other person wants. You have desires that you need to fulfill and nothing else will matter. But loving someone is about wanting them to be happy. You will whatever is good for them even if it means a sacrifice on your part.