How to Tell Which Attractions Lead to Love and Which Lead to Pain

We have some set expectations and beliefs about attraction. You can be attracted to someone or you won’t ever find them attractive. Here’s a little example. Ann liked arrogant men. However, she didn’t appreciate being treated rudely. It’s strange but snooty men turned her on while good men didn’t. Although she desired for a family, her preference in men prevented her from settling down, whereas good men simply didn’t seem attractive to her.

It’s not just Ann but several people out there who face similar dilemmas regarding their preferences. Some magnificent attractions, physical or emotional, can get us tingling but also kick-starts our insecurities. We feel the need to win the love of these people and that’s called “attractions of deprivation”.

These kinds of attractions are always dangerous. At times you can feel the warning in the beginning but in most cases it’s always too late. These partners mostly possess bad traits like lying, cheating, doesn’t pay attention, self-obsessed or suffering from addiction or psychological problems.

Despite knowing these issues, most people still fail to stay away from these relationships. Behavioral theorists have termed this “intermittent reward systems” where the rewards are rare and not definite. Hence it keeps you hooked, almost like gambling and therefore hard to stay away from.

It also shows that we are afraid of intimacy despite yearning for genuine love. Although we want love, we want it from someone we know will not reciprocate. This attraction of deprivation keeps us secure and makes us feel uncomfortable with actual loving and caring partners. It reflects our fear of our own capabilities and love and distracts us from things we are most afraid of.

You can escape from this mess and find real love once you understand the distinction between the ideas of “attractions of deprivation” and “attractions of inspiration”. You should be following only attractions of inspiration. It might sound easy but unfortunately it takes years to accept this truth and imbibe it.

It’s a lot different from what you are used to in relationships where you need to accept and reciprocate your partner’s love and not have to achieve it. It takes a lot of patience and attention to learn to do it.

This attraction surfaces from a environment of wholesomeness and happiness, self-esteem and confidence rather than fighting for what we can’t have. These attractions always unfurl slowly and get enriched and passionate as time passes unlike the previous kind of attraction where it’s all fast-paced.

How to identify attraction of inspiration? Do you feel inspired by your partner’s love and have mutual respect and admiration? Do you intend to work together on the relationship and do you make each other better human beings? Does his good character and attitude make you feel good?

Those who have these kinds of relationships are not from fairytale land. Anyone can have this attraction if only you are careful in your choices and pay attention to inspiration as much as physical desire. These relationships heal and empower us completely. It helps us become the best versions of ourselves.