10 Ways to Save The Relationship When Your Partner Has Anger Issues
Let’s just get this out of the way- anger has no place in a relationship. Countless relationships get destroyed every single day because one or the other partner is always short-tempered. And, honestly, if you allow anger to come in between your love for each other, do you really love them? Relationships are based on trust and acceptance. Anger is useful only in certain situations, not denying that, but everything has a place and time. And a relationship is neither the place nor the time.
So, what to do? You are angry, you are frustrated. But you know that your outburst can potentially damage this relationship. Well, here are some steps you can take to salvage your relationship and prevent anger from destroying it.
Think Before You Speak
Words hurt, don’t they? This proverb covers it well: “sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can also hurt me”. So when you are angry and you are looking to vent, don’t. Write it down on a piece of paper and then burn it, but don’t say it! For, just imagine this, what if you were on the receiving end of it? Would you like it? Possibly not. So, why do you want to put someone through something you don’t want to go through yourself? Think and alter your words.
Don’t be frantic, don’t get anxious. Stay calm! Even though it is hard, there is no other way. Imagine a safe space or count to 10 backwards. Better yet, try to rate every Nicholas Cage movie in your head.! Dude makes such complicated movies, it will throw your anger down the road. And when your turn comes, speak. But remember this, people don’t like a speaker, they like an orator. Have passion in your voice and let it convey your message, but never lose your cool!
Instead of saying “You’re bad at this”, you could try saying, “This could be done in this way.” Don’t use words or sentences that lead to outbursts and always try to bring the voices down by saying things that are peaceful and soothing.
Anger is never without cause. It always has a root. Try finding that root and try empathizing with it. You will see the anger fading away from your partner as they see you trying to really understand them. This could happen vice versa. As long as the relationship is peaceful!
Not every conversation requires screaming and eating your heads off. You need to actually restrain yourself from saying things that are hurtful and you know it would hurt someone. What you need to do instead, is take a deep breath, and imagine a life without them. You won’t say anything next.
Don’t say or do things that make people angry. You know their triggers; don’t press them. And try to move away when someone is baiting you.
Not every conversation has to be met head-on. Take some time off, gather some perspective, and then come back and finish the conversation. An angry mind can often divulge the conversation into mindless bickering, where nothing actually makes sense, and all you are left with is a sense of hopelessness. Move away, cool off, come back and talk civilly.
Don’t Try To Control
Sometimes, anger can be the only solution to a problem, and when it takes place in your relationship, let it run its course. If your partner is angry and has a valid reason for it, let them vent it out. Trying to stall it would only lead to bigger complications.
Check Out Your Surroundings
Don’t fight in a public place. It is uncomfortable.
While not every conversation should be postponed, when you know tempers are frayed, it is best to stall it for a time, when you both would be in the best of moods and can discuss it without shouting.
Don’t get angry. It isn’t worth it!