4 Reasons Why Toxic Marriages Are Worse For Children Than Divorce
In the past and even now, when a couple with kids undergo a divorce, they are shunned. Most people are worried about the kids who will be facing the trauma of separation. They are sometimes even banned from church. In the US, almost half of the total marriages end up in a divorce. Well, divorce might hurt children, but that partially depends on how the parents deal with it. But staying in a toxic marriage causes some major damage to children. They can feel the lack of intimacy and the coldness among their parents and this can affect them. Here are some of the ways in which toxic marriages affect children:
Children like to imitate and internalize whatever their parents are doing or feeling. When they can sense the tension present in the house, they internalize the conflict. As a result, their environment does not provide them with the necessary comfort but rather, makes them doubt it. Later on, these children develop depression, chronic fatigue, and a feeling of hopelessness.
2. Self-Esteem Issues
As toxic marriages have a lack of security with some kind of argument always going on between the parents, the child’s mind is left with little peace. They cannot be one with themselves and they start doubting themselves. The result: they might want to get close to a friend, but choose to remain isolated. They might be creative, but they do not want to work on it. They have made the external battle internal, fighting with themselves.
3. Fear of getting Intimate
As the child has had difficult parents, they develop a fear of intimacy. Whenever they try to get close to someone, the traumas of their parents’ dysfunctional marriage comes before their eyes. Even if they do get into an intimate relationship, they remain guarded. When a conflict arises, they might escape from it or reenact the bad ways in which their parents resolved conflicts.
4. Mood Issues
When parents are always fighting with each other, they may cause their child to develop mood issues. If this issue is not addressed, then it can lead to substance abuse or personality disorders. The reason for this is despair. Since these children abandon all optimism and hope from early on, they expect bad outcomes. They mature rather quickly and fail to have a healthy childhood.
While bad marriages are terrible, we should always consider all aspects of it before going for a divorce. So, before going for a lawyer, you can do the following:
By using couple therapy, you can help your marriage by improving communication and being able to deal with the problems of intimacy. It will help you to work together with your differences. However, make sure that you are going for the right couple counselor as the wrong ones can ruin your marriage.
Sometimes, couples have unrealistic expectations from marriage and this results in the blame game. If you are always blaming your partner because your expectation is not being met, then maybe, you can personally talk to a counselor regarding your issues. It might work out well.
When you are in a group of struggling couples, you will know that you are not alone. As a result, you get the necessary inspiration to work and make a difference in your own married life, as well as get some advice from other struggling couples. With this kind of exposure, you can work through your marriage and make it better.
Love and intimacy between partners is not only important for themselves but their children too. So, make sure that you are resolving your issues in a proper manner, or else, it will harm your own children.