How to Remain Calm During Any Argument or Conflict Situation, Backed by Science

Sometime we can’t escape arguing with our family, friends or partners. It’s completely normal to have arguments as soon as we remain calm, and not letting the things escalate. There are some ways that can help you stay calm in these situations.

Pause and breathe

Take a deep breath for a moment. This way you can calm your nervous system. Pausing and breathing makes you think before saying anything wrong during arguments. Also, it prevents you from reacting instantly, which can create more problems.

Lower your voice

Never scream at the other person when arguing. Try to talk in a lower voice to maintain civility and to also show that the other person is being heard.


Listening what the other part has to say it’s important to avoid misunderstandings. When you carefully listen you can avoid making mistakes and judging. Try to find a middle ground.

Be honest

Be honest, that way you can avoid arguments from developing. Talk about the issues troubling you and try to solve them to avoid fights about the same things in the future.

Avoid harmful behavior

According to expert, Dr. John Gottman, these four behaviors should be avoided when arguing: criticizing, disrespect, shutting yourself from others and playing the victim. All these are harmful behaviors that can harm your relationships.  Remember, you should never tolerate emotional and physical abuse, too.

Be confident

Never let the other person to control you and walk over you. Be confident in yourself in order to find reasonable conclusion. Never mention the past arguments and don’t be aggressive.

Agree to disagree

Sometimes, it’s not possible to reach a conclusion. In that case, put the problem aside for some time until it can be resolved. If a solution is absolutely necessary then ask for a professional help.

Remember, it’s not always possible to solve the problems and handle the arguments rationally. That’s why you should try to keep your calm and distance yourself from harmful and violent situations.

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