The Kids Who Need The Most Love Ask For It In The Most Unloving Ways
Have you ever felt like your child is asking for your love but asking for it in the most terrible manner? Have you seen them throwing tantrums and wondered what on earth the matter was? Why do kids always have to express themselves through tears and whines and back talk?
Sometimes it is easy to forget that children are really just acting their age. We have to be loving and attentive towards them and when we are not, they don’t have the vocabulary to demand it. They’re so small but we place unrealistic expectations on them. What we need to do is help them learn how to manage their emotions.
Just imagine. These are children, not even ten years old. But all of us think that they should be able to act like they are well into their twenties. They have to somehow be aware of when to remain silent and when to talk. They are to obey all the older people around them but at the same time, we tell them that they also have to learn how to decide for themselves.
They have to remain seated for hours just paying attention to the teacher or doing homework. They have to learn who is a friend and who isn’t. They have to learn how to distinguish nice people from bad people. They have to understand everything that is out there on this planet and also learn to not be selfish with their toys.
This can be a huge burden for such a small person and children, like adults, need release. And they find this release by taking it out on people they are completely sure they can trust, their parents.
But what is the solution to all this?
According to Katie Malinski, parents should learn to understand what a child is trying to communicate through their actions. They’re acting in an undesirable manner because of some underlying issue, usually a need that is not met. If you can find out what it is, you can give them the help they need. While they aren’t supposed to act that way, their needs are merely natural.
If a child acts in a manner that is not affectionate, it is probably because they feel like they are not being given affection. There is no point trying to punish them. Parents need to be compassionate, supportive and loving.
According to Dr. Laura, parents need to learn how to feel empathy towards their children. Once they are accepting of the child’s feelings, the child will understand that it is okay to feel those things but is it not always okay to act out on those feelings. They’ll know that is okay to be sad, to be ashamed, to be scared and so on. With this knowledge, the healing also begins. They don’t feel the need to be angry in order to cover up these emotions. If they aren’t taught this, they’ll just keep raging on because they know no other method of dealing with all that they have bottled up inside.
Make sure that your child knows that they can come to you with whatever problems they have. Pay close attention to what they are saying and try to help them understand what they are going through. Tell them that it is alright to feel those emotions.